Musings…or When I Realized I Have Too Much Time on My Hands

This morning I woke up and thought to myself “what is it that our dear readers need more of in their lives?” You might imagine I would come upon some useful answer, something truly beneficial like more calcium, or a good dose of laughter, or a spoonful of sugar. But just as I was preparing to tackle the problem of how to disseminate essential vitamins and minerals over the internet, I said to myself “no, Zizzle-Zot (I talk to myself in the virtual third person), knowledge is power.”

So, in lieu of something you can actually use, I offer Zizzle-Zot’s Scientific Thoughts of the Day From a Blogger Who Knows Very Little About Science. (Disclaimer: none of the following should be interpreted as actual science).

Let’s Make Genius Babies: The human brain feeds pretty much exclusively off of glucose for energy. Wouldn’t it make sense, then, that feeding babies excessive amounts of glucose while their brains were still developing would result in adults with oversized, highly functional brains and create, in essence, hyper-genius babies without requiring any gene manipulation or freaky mutant making? Of course, the babies would be morbidly obese as a nasty side effect to all that glucose. But wouldn’t it be worth it?

Where has all the matter gone?: The 1st Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can’t be created or destroyed. It can change forms, converting from work to heat to potential to kinetic, but we’re stuck with a constant energy level. My concern regards matter. If humans keep propagating the earth at unchecked levels (I’m looking at you, India), isn’t it conceivable that eventually we’ll run out of matter (energy) to create more people?

I realize this won’t be a popular theory, but maybe the destructive nature of humanity is a necessity. Maybe we need to raze the earth and kill off entire species so there is enough matter for more of us. It’s an instinctual, evolutionary survival trait.

I’m not a physicist by any means, so my science is probably way off. And I’m certainly not saying it’s likely, but still, something to think about the next time you have unprotected sex.

Call me Buddha Shakespeare Khan: I just finished a book by Bill Bryson (A Short History of Nearly Everything) that introduced me to the probability that each of us shares up to a billion atoms with every historical personage that came before us (only up to a point, so sorry, ckcasselman, there’s no John Lennon in you. I’ll explain why in a minute).

Atoms are ridiculously long lived (around 1035  years according to some theories). When people die, the atoms don’t die with them. They are simply recycled to form other things. So, on it’s way to becoming wonderful you, each atom has most likely at some point been part of a star, a dinosaur (maybe even a T Rex), and a turd, among other things.

So the next time you’re looking to pick up a chick at the bar, tell her you’ve got a billion Casanova atoms in you. But don’t get too excited. One cubic centimeter of air contains 45 billion billion molecules (and a molecule is two or more atoms working together). So there’s a hell of a lot of atoms in us, and 1 billion doesn’t amount to much.

One Last Thing Before I Go: We all have bad days. You could be having one right now. Shit happens. But the next time you find yourself grumbling about annoyances like flat tires and taxes, take a minute to think about the seemingly insurmountable odds against you being here to complain in the first place.  Think of the trillions of atoms that for some inexplicable reason (apparently they don’t find it particularly gratifying) came together to become the one and only you. They’ll never assemble this way again, and it doesn’t happen anywhere else in the universe.

Now consider that the earth doesn’t seem to want us here all that much. In fact, with its ice ages and volcanic activity and bacteria and viruses, it can be downright hostile. But still the human race survived until now so you could bitch about the price of gas.

Now think about how many people had to meet and mate at precisely the right time to lead to you. You want a number? Go back only five generations, and no fewer than 33,554,432 people had to do the hippity-dippity to get you here. Now think about how difficult it can be to get even one to do it with you…sigh.

So whether you believe in a higher power and trust that somebody wanted you right here and right now for a damned good reason, or you don’t, and think you ought to take advantage of the incredible luck that’s given you the chance to be alive, I’d like us all to take this opportunity to be thankful.

It’s good to be here.

Thanks for reading.

 Submitted by: Zizzle-Zot


4 responses to “Musings…or When I Realized I Have Too Much Time on My Hands

  1. As an actual scientist I had to shake my head in disbelief at some of your musings… however you did post a disclaimer so I guess I can’t complain. I have to add to your billion atoms comment though. Even more amazing is that humans share 99% of their DNA. It’s quite mind boggling to think how just a few small biochemical changes make up such a diverse species… something for people to think about next time they claim they’re so much better than the next guy.

  2. True that

  3. I love the idea of fat, super-humans running the earth.

    I always thought I may have been a turd in a former life. Turns out I am probably right.

  4. Probably one of the best blogs I’ve ever read, besides the blog about being the ROTM.

    I wonder if any of us came from the same turd??? Something to think about I guess…

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